New Muslims – Tips to Build a Good Support Team

This is the third article in a series of articles designed to assist the new Muslim of the 21^st century.

You may well ask why for the 21^st century when those who embrace Islam in any era have faced similar opportunities and problems. That is correct. However this is a brave new century and most of us have to find new ways of negotiating the rapidly changing world.

This is a century like no other, the world really is a village; technology and information rule our lives. We face private changes in the midst and glare of social media and 24 hour news broadcasting.

In a world that is overloaded with information and with lives that always seem to be on a stop watch how does the new Muslim build a support team?

In the two previous articles we looked at the new Muslim beginning a new life with a clean slate; a slate has been wiped clean from all former sins.

We also discussed moving forward into a new life slowly. Changes must be made but there is no reason that they have to be made all on the one day or even in one year, in some cases not even in one decade.

Build a Good Support Team

We are all a work in progress and each person progresses at their own rate. One of the first things to do is to build a good support network because a strong support team will help you negotiate any and all difficulties you might come across as you transition successfully into your new life.

Let us begin with the people who are already in your life; family and friends. Some people may already have family or friends that are Muslim and this is a great advantage. It is a firm foundation on which to build your team and these people have probably already shown their willingness to help you negotiate all the changes taking places around you.

Others however may not know any Muslims whatsoever. This is not unusual in this day and age where people embrace Islam after searching on the internet for the solution to their personal and spiritual dilemmas.

Although it is a personal decision about when and where to reveal your new religion (way of life) you have probably already been unable to keep it from your nearest and dearest companions.

In a perfect world there would be only tears and congratulatory hugs but sadly this is not always the case. Some people will be happy and pleased for you while others will be shocked and disappointed.

The First Person in your Support Team

The person that recognizes your fulfillment and is happy for you is the first person in your support team and a very important one. Enlist their help in convincing others that this is a great and beneficial change in your life.

Remember to treat everybody with the best Islamic manners even though there may be some who will immediately wish to antagonize you. Keep up family visits, and don’t impose strict guidelines on your family. This might have come as a great shock to some of your family members and friends and you must allow them to settle into the changes.

They also need to take things slowly. As your journey into Islam progresses many otherwise hostile family members and friends will begin to notice the worthy changes in your behavior and demeanor. Sometimes this is enough to put their minds at rest and may even encourage them to ask questions and participate in your new life.

Talk about what is happening to you by all means but remember that it is God who guides a person to the truth and some people are just not as far along in their journey as you are. Never ever argue.

Search for a Mosque or Islamic Center

The next thing to do is to visit your nearest mosque or Islamic center. If you have to tackle this momentous occasion on your own Friday prayer is probably a good time to consider.

You will not have to worry about what door to enter through or who or what to ask for. Attach yourself to the nearest group of people of your gender you see entering and introduce yourself. I can guarantee that you will be welcomed with open arms.

This might however sound beyond daunting for some people therefore making contact with a member of the local community might be a better solution. This could be done via phone, email or a private message on their Facebook page.

Many Islamic centers have their own web sites and Facebook pages. It is easy to have a look online and find the one that is nearest to you. They usually have both men’s and women’s groups and a number of learning circles. Some even have comprehensive education programs with dedicated mentors and buddy systems.

In contrast to this however, in some locations a new Muslim might be immediately confronted with problems they did not expect.

Self Learning

When you can’t find a welcoming Islamic center or mosque in your immediate area it could mean that you will be faced with difficulties such as, a lack of support, shortage of classes and books, and absence of friendly faces to guide you on your way.

If this is the case perhaps you have no choice but to slow down just a little bit more and do and learn what you can with what you have been given. Perhaps make a trip a little bit further away from your local area or look online for a good bookstore with a comprehensive catalogue of books for all levels of understanding. A good bookstore will show clearly what books are suitable for beginners.

If you are blessed with other Muslims in your life accept invitations. You will be invited to gatherings and learning circles, you will also be asked out for coffee or to people’s homes for dinner. Muster up all your courage and attend every event that you can.

Instead of worrying about not knowing how to behave, use each invitation as an opportunity to learn. Occasionally you will come across Muslims that are so excited about your new found happiness that they want you to understand everything very quickly. You might become overwhelmed by jumping into the deep end like this.

Islam is Easy

If this begins to happen take one giant step back. Stop, smell the roses, contemplate the awesomeness of what you have done and remember step two, take it slowly.

Try to keep in mind that God makes embracing Islam easy. Taking that giant leap of faith was the hardest thing and you have already passed that brief stage. God has chosen you and you are special thus He is not about to leave you stranded or floundering.

At every turn you will find opportunities to make a strong circle of friends. Do not be too busy trying to learn everything at once that you miss golden opportunities to meet people and experience the events in the daily life of a strong Muslim community.

It’s a new start; a chance to build a life centred on worshiping God. This is an exciting time filled with endless opportunities but the best piece of advice I can give you is to take it slowly.

In those first hours, days and weeks it will be very tempting to shout your new-found happiness from the rooftops.

Before you do this, try to think about what you are doing and who you are talking to. It is important to recognize that every person you tell will have a reaction. And those reactions will not always be what you expect them to be. It might be that the people you fear telling will hug you and that those you had thought had your back will react with horror.

Keep in mind that every person is on their own journey and that not everyone is as fortuitous as you are. Being guided to Islam is a gift, a bounty, and some people have not yet recognized their bounties from God.

It seems quite mystifying that in some places across the globe becoming Muslim is not a cause for celebration; however that is the state of the world today. In fact, it is not so different from the world in the time of Prophet Muhammad and his companions.

You will find solace in the stories of the companions. Many of them feared telling their families, lost their jobs, homes and children. Others were blessed immediately, and their families quickly followed them into their new lives. This is human nature, people are different. The way we perceive and understand things is different for each and every one of us.

Don’t Rush

There is no need to rush into things such as changing your name or taking intensive Arabic classes. If somewhere along the path you feel the need to change your name, then do so.

Prophet Muhammad only changed the names of his companions if their names held some sort of meaning contrary to Islam or had an ambiguous or bad meaning. Having an Arabic sounding name is in no way obligatory. Take some time to think about your name, does it have a good meaning? Because Prophet Muhammad liked a person’s name to evoke good qualities[1].

You will need to learn a little bit of Arabic because the five daily prayers should be said in Arabic. However as with the entire journey take it slowly. Don’t expect too much of yourself. One step at a time is all that is required and these can be baby steps if that is what you need to have a safe and happy journey into your new life.

Take your time establishing this new relationship with God. Read Quran in your native language, the next step would be to read the translation while listening or watching the recitation of Quran in Arabic. Many translations have the most common Arabic words in the text.

If you delve too deeply, too quickly Islam can appear to be a religion of rules and regulations. This is far from the truth.

If you concentrate on developing a relationship with God and the Quran, rules and regulations will seem like the natural way to act. You will see that the rules are actually guidance from the One that knows humankind best, the Creator Himself.

Don’t Try to Run Before You Can Walk

If you feel compelled to ask more questions, seek more answers or explore more intricate issues of Islamic law you may find yourself perplexed and confused. There is no point in asking complex questions when you have not yet understood the basics. There is no point trying to run before you can walk.

Take the time to implement the inevitable changes that will occur in your thinking and your lifestyle.

Where though do you begin this process?

In this technologically dominated world, many people will embrace Islam without ever having met a Muslim. For them a good start would be to look in a local community guide or telephone book for a local Islamic centre or mosque. Visiting a mosque for the first time can be a very daunting experience therefore you might telephone or email and ask if there is a new Muslim group that could contact you.

Others might know a Muslim neighbor or work colleague. A quiet word over the fence or at the water cooler might be your way into the Muslim community. Most people are discreet and are not going to shout your new status out for all to hear.

Again, though perhaps you want to bask in your new-found faith quietly and privately, that is also perfectly okay. One step at a time, set your own timetable but be flexible, adjust the settings every now and then to reflect your needs.

Prophet Muhammad emphasized the fact that a person should surround themselves with good companions[2]. He said that the believer is to the believer like parts of a solid building, one part supports the other. Thus, Muslims are usually very keen to help new Muslims get adjusted to their new life.

Important Warning

A word of warning though, in some circumstances you might feel bombarded by people saying you must do this, and you must do that. Perhaps many of these warnings are true but remember that you will learn more from the Muslim who invites you to his or her home and teaches by example than you will from the one who demands you read this or wear that.

In conclusion, a note of caution about the trials and tribulations sometimes associated with embracing Islam. Sometimes the tests from God can appear to come thick and fast. I personally think that many of them could be avoided if we remember to take it slowly. Think before you leap into new situations and think twice before you reveal personal changes that you may want to keep to yourself, or a small circle of acquaintances, for some time yet.

On the other hand, it is worth remembering that Satan will do his best to harm a person who is learning about the mercy and forgiveness of God. He wants you to feel scared, anxious or depressed. He wants to coat your good fortune with fears and lies.

{(Satan said) “…surely I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your Straight Path. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left…”} (Quran 7:16-17)

To combat this, take a deep breath, open the Quran and begin reading. Anywhere, it is a source of comfort and inspiration.

Take the next baby step forward into your new life. In the third article we will look a little deeper into how a new Muslim can make a support team.

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Footnotes

[1] Prophet Muhammad’s traditions and advice can be found in books of hadith. A hadith is a piece of information of a story. In Islam it is a narrative record of the saying and actions of Prophet Muhammad and his companions. His views on names were taken from the books of hadith collected by hadith scholars Imam Al Bukhari and Imam Muslim.

[2] Prophet Muhammad said: “The relationship of the believer with another believer is like (the bricks of) a building, each strengthens the other.” He illustrated this by interlacing the fingers of both his hands.

(From Discovering Islam archive)